walk away

so I've taken a whole load of painkillers,
I have this headache,
I've been watching WWll documentaries allday,
I'm fucking exhausted.
I haven't talked about what I'm going to write to anyone but here goes nothing.

I was sitting here browsing images and listening to music when I heard this;
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.

The day I left you, you told me that was going through your head,
this was how you felt.
I thought how unfair it was, that you have such a warped perception of yourself.
See I know this girl, she's one of my best friends now and she's totally one of a kind,
one of the prettiest girls I've ever met, the most selfless, incredibly talented and wise,
this girl thinks of herself as just one of the worst things, and it's totally not true.
then there's you.
when I became sad after that girl cried,when you sang and played guitar
you got mad at me
said if she was crying it's only because you were so good.

I've been trying to come up with some positive memories from our relationship,
the only words that go through my head when I think of you are "you ruined my life, you took everything you possibly could for me, and instead of being back you just hurt and manipulated me".

so there's that...
unless it's a joke, it's so rare for me to say "fuck you", and then come give you cuddles the next day or whatever, because I've had it said to me too many times not to take it to heart, but if I thought I could talk to you again without vomiting, I can assure that my very first words would be fuck you.

fuck you fuck you fuck you.

Know what I remember?

I remember opening up to you, telling you something nobody else knew,
then I remember you calling me a slut.
I remember youtelling me how you didnt care about my past, even a little, you swore,
then I remember walking you to the bus stop, as you told me you hated my past.
I remember you telling me how you hated all my friends,
then I remember you lying to them about me.

you are the most selfish human being I have ever met,
and that says a fucking lot.

The foundation of our relationship was a lie, you took on the role of the poor little sensitive boy, the innocent, and you used it to manipulate, dominate and use me.

hypocrite, fucking hypocrite.

You were going to leave me, saw other girls, stopped giving a fuck.
this was when I told you I needed you.
then the next week, when you decided you needed me, you cried for hours when I didnt say hello to you properly.

Even when you tortured me, I tried to make sure everything would be okay for you,
tried to do it without you knowing.
When you found out, you picked out something I didn't do and called me a bitch.
thats a fuck-lot better than what you are.
you're a child, a liar.
you change and adapt into who you think you need to be for people to like you.
because of this, nobody does.

I would say I hope you realise this, I would say I hope you change, but you don't deserve that.
you don't deserve to be a better person,
maybe the world deserves that, but I think I speak for most of us when I say we're better off without.

Ideally, there would be some kind of containment policy, where you and other such repulsive beings as yourself are put in a safe place, able to fuck up nobody but your own kind.
Even then you wouldn't get clarity, because all people like you will do is take their own worthless point, fight with it, manipulate all the other, whinge and bitch.
The advantage I see there is that one day you might all kill eachother.

for so, so long I got all up on my high horse about how I didnt hate anyone
well congratulations, you single-handedly changed that.
fuck you.
I hate you.